Just the start

To this whole film thing. Coming in a little late I admit, But.. Whose on a time schedule anyways?

I finally got the Twin-Lens Reflex (TLR) Camera my Uncle Tony gave me like a year ago up and running. Just needed some screws tightened, some spendy film, a trip to the camera store and some lovin.

The next time I buy film I will be purchasing it at the Lomo Shop.. prices are better for 120 film and its no less than fucking RAD. Click Lomo Shop just to see that Im not lying.

Now I am working on finding film for my vintage 1960s Polaroid 210 Land Camera my friend Jake gave me out of his mom's room after she passed away. Its got sentimental value to say none the less. Karen was a great lady. I wish I had some of the photos she had to have taken when she was younger.

If I cant find Polaroid type 107 (3000 speed bw) or 108 (75 speed color) peel apart pack film

I dont know what I am going to do. Besides hack into the body and cut and roll film into some sort of makeshift pack.

I really want that peel apart film because I saw on a movie once that you can take the picture, Pull it apart, one peice is your picture, and then then other (negative) you can take and stick to something like paper, or newspaper, or old wallpaper and pull it off, and it leaves the negative behind. Super cool is my book!

I dropped some red-scale film off at Kens a month ago. Just had the money to pick it up.

The Lomography fish eye was the best $40 investment ever. This is Why:

Aside from actually taking time to take some photos and spending A LOT of time with Lowrie I havent been up to much besides working. LR is getting ready to leave for Portland for a few weeks so I might jet down to see him for a couple days.. and take some Rose City pics, and go to the strip clubs where you can actually drink and smoke. (wtf Washington?!) $5.00 sodas at a strip club, and you always have to be drinking a soda (I dont even like soda pop)? Kiss my ass, please and thanks..

I've been listening to a lot of Records Lately.

So far my new Tori Amos Vinyl is Still my favorite by far. Its a million times better then the cd in my car.

--------------------------

Currently Spinning:

Matson Jones {Into my Arms}

Muse {Screenager} Live

WildBirds & PeaceDrums {The Battle in Water}

Waldeck {Floater}

I'll take a little of this, and a little of that

I've decieded to make a list of all the things I currently want right now; this second in history.

Some maybe realistic, Some maybe completely unrealistic, some might be selfish, and some might be self-less.

This isnt a list of goals or wants that anyone should judge me on.

This is for me, to look back on and say.. got this, got that.. still working on this, and that will never happen.

Its also for when I get big and famous.. and people want to buy you all kinds of things..

Minus the big and famous.. these are my wants/not my needs.

Alot of these you can click on, and it will take you to the link so you know what I am talking about if you dont already.

Materialistic:

Panasonic Lumix DMC-L10K

An original Michael Hussar Painting

An original Marilyn Manson Painting

Every single Lomographic Camera ever made

Custom Camo Raybans

Like 50 million steampunk corsets

A 4 Wheeler

Rocket Espresso Giotto Premium Plus

New MacBook

A New Ride

A ton of new records

Goals:

Save money

Save money

and

Save money
Use less, with out being useless

Meet more Sober, mature adults

Learn more about photography/lighting (natural lighting/ studio lighting/retouching/ creating photo sets)

Camera Obscura (Making a pinhole)

Get out of the country on vacation to one or all of these locations:

New Zealand (Snow/Surf)

Peru (Mountaineering)

Spain (for taking photos/and looking at beautiful people)

Amsterdam (for some Chronic)

Africa (to help a few people/and take their photos)

Thailand (for the motherfucking food/temples/photography)

Alaska (for charter fishing)

Mexico (for 2012)

Lose some weight

Keep my hair one color for more then a week or two

Buy a house, or get one with LR

Go Back to school for massage

Take some accounting classes because I am suprisingly good at it

Trade Massage/Accounting for tattoos :)

Get more Tattoos

Stretch my ears bigger

Find another dog?! (I cant believe I just wrote that)

Make more art

Set more goals

Complete those goals

Live life as a nice and humble person who does good for other people

Also, I havent uploaded all the pictures from last weekend, but I assure you it was great.

As soon as I can I will upload them

Running Away

For the weekend. I need it after this stupid week.

I was going to leave Friday night and head over the pass to Carlton; which is just outside of Winthrop....

But, I opted to coming into work at 6:00 to work a few hours.. and spending the evening with Lr, and some of his family. After 9:00 this morning or so.. I should be on the road.

About to go spend a day floating the river and getting trashed drunk with my gay boys Matty and Chaddy, and Chad's family.. His mom is awesome.. SO this should deff. be interesting. Im super stoked they invited me.. so far my only expense will be gas to get over there.. Chad's mom is covering everything which is super cool.. NO one ever "treats" me to a weekend away...

Hopefully Lr will get the hint hint, with the information written down for the trip I want to take to Alaska.. If he doesn't get it.. I guess I'll have a good time fishing with out him :)

Only my way Home I am going to stop at the 2009 Seattle Tattoo Convention. Mike is gonna scribble some permanent ink behind my ear for Emma.

Just a simple name.. behind my ear on my head.. means shes always with my mind.

Love you Emma Beemmskeet.

Currently Spinning:

Pearl Jam {RearViewMirror}

Tool {Lateralus}

The Psychadelic Furs {All of this and Nothing}

Morrissey {Greatest Hits}

Joy Division {Substance}

Caught a Lite Sneeze

Dreamed a little dream Caught a lightweight lighting seed Boys on my left side Boys on my right side Boys in the middle And you're not here I need a big oan From the girl zone Building tumbling down Didn't know our love was so small Coun't stand at all Mr. St. John just bring you son The spire is hot And my cells can't feed And you still got that Belle dragging your foots I'm hiding it well Sister Ernestine But I still got that Belle Dragging my foots Right on time you get closer And closer Called my name but there's no way in Use that fame Rent you wife and kids today Maybe she will Maybe she will caught a lite sneeze Dreamed a little dream Made my own pretty hate machine Boys on my left side Boys on my right side Boys in the middle and you're not here Boys in their dresses And you're not here I need a big loan from the girl zone

{Lyrics from one of my favorite Tori Amos songs}

I almost forgot what an amazing book Tori put out last summer:.

I was sitting at Lr's last night, looking for a dvd to watch since he decieded playing video games was the thing to do all night.. and when looking for a movie, I changed my mind for the book, I've read the lyrics and browsed the comics many many times, but I never really sat back and appreciated how well made it really is.

If you dont own it, look for it cheap or used on Amazon, because its deff. worth having as a coffee table book.. if you love Tori, you'll appreciate all the lyrics to her songs. If you love comics you'll

appreciate all the beautiful artwork.

I finally opened my bigcartel store.

Once I get it looking all fancy and have some stuff for sale I will give ya'll the link.

Until then, check it out because it is really cool.

And Allie, If you are ever willing to part with some of your beautiful artwork.. you'd be a perfect bigcartel girl!

Currently Spinning:

7 Year Bitch {Self Titled}

Deftones (B-sides/Rareties}

Tori Amos {Boys for Pele}

Tori Amos {Abnormally attracted to Sin}

New Order {Get Ready}

MotorCycle {As the Rush Comes}

Currently Watching:

A LOT of Anime.

Elfen Lied {Vector 1}

Bleach Movie

Death Note {1-27}

300

Obsessed
TrainSpotting

Attempting Moving On.

I guess its time to stop crying and to get my shit together and act like a normal human being again. All I've done for the last 3 days is cry, sleep, eat, work a little, and then cry some more, and sleep some more.

A tleast I am well rested right?!?!

Upside to this, Emma had a killer life, no matter how I look at it.. she had done lots of awesome things in the last month before her death. We went to Seattle twice, Olympia.. Bellingham, Swimming at Chuckanut, swimming at the river.. when I found her she was laying on her favorite spot on the bed, with a fan blowing on her.. (thats how I want to leave this place when I do)
Downside, she'll never be replaceable. And even if I wanted to get a new baby boxer girl that was all white.. She'd cost me like $1300.oo sooooo needless to say.. I'll be thinking about Emma for a while, and not a new puppy.

I'm going to look at all the positives about this.. and forget about the negatives.

One positive thing is, I'm getting tattooed at the tattoo convention in Seattle this weekend. Im super stoked to get my hokusai "great wave" finished.. and it looks like Mike is going to be putting some sort of Emma Jane on this skin somewhere. There should be lots of hot bitches and beer.. and funhouse.. you know thats my favy!!

Hempfest is coming up.. another to look forward to.
As well as Bumbershooot.. Hells to the yeahs, for Metric, and Yeah yeah yeahs.

Sarah, and Tony. and Baby Dylan are coming to see me on Friday afternoon.
I hope they leave Monster with me for a night, so I can bring him back On Saturday. Doubt that will happen, but it would be rad.. (Sarah, if you're reading this.. Please let Monster spend the night with me :).... )

Anyways, enough of this.
Catch you on the flipside.

To whom it concerns.

Dear whoever the fuck we pray to.

God, Buddha, Bharma, Vishnu, Siven, Jesus Christ. WHOEVER THE FUCK.

Tell me, Tell me please cause I'm begging.

Why? Why on earth would you take my dog away from me?

You know. I really think, she loved me. . Actually I know she loved me. I know she loved the expensive dog food I fed her, her foam bed, all her cute shirts she wore.

Now you're leaving me to put these things away in a fucking box when thats not even what I wanted. I spent an amazing evening with my boyfriend. Stayed In a nice hotel, and went to a nice dinner. I stopped, I saw my family who I love, and now realize how important they are to me now that I have lost something so dear to me.

Then I come home, to find my one true love, the one thing that loved me unconditionally to be gone from me. Just laying there comfortably waiting for her mama to get home.

What can I do?

I took her to the vet, I fed her everyday; the good food. I played with her, snuggled her, loved her, took her on roadtrips everywhere. Took her to the rivers, to chuckanut, to Lowries.. I had to adjust my life to owning a dog, and now I have to adjust my life to being alone. No, Im not alone, I have all my friends and family, and all the people I care about, but what I want is my fucking dog back.

It feels weird walking into my house, knowing shes not going to be waiting by the kitchen door for me like she ALWAYS was. Its weird knowing that, and then also knowing shes now burried in the garden. What? Am I never going to move out of my house now because one of my best friends are in the back yard, now do I have to vacuum up all her random dog hair in my car, and on the couches.. where do I put her dog bed? Do I throw it away, do I give it away? Do I get another dog?

Probably not, because if you knew Emma, you'd know shes irreplaceable, and I'm never going to find another dog like her.

I've heard and I know, that yes.. I gave her an awesome last almost 2 years..

I know that she loved me, and I know I really loved her.

I know that things come and go, and "everything happens for a reason" supposedly and allegedly. But really? Why?

I just want my dog back, I want to snuggle my snuggle buggle. I want to call her all her nicknames she came to. I want to go to my house and for it to feel normal.

I just have to ask myself, what did I do, that this is my bad karma for?

And couldnt you have taken something else I care about.

I care about alot of things, but I never thought this would be the one to go.

I woulda understood if she was 10 years or 15 years old.

But 5? Come on, she was my baby. All my friends have kids, and dogs, and whatever that they have. I had Emma.

Do I change my blog name? I mean its fucking saraemma for gods sake.

Do I change the passwords that had her name in them?

I guess I'll just go on loving her forever and looking for another soul mate.

She'll be a hard one to replace, and actually she'll never be "replaced" she'll forever be in my heart and thoughts.

I really wish I could just put up a road block in my head and forget that I ever had the most awesome dog in the world So that I wouldnt be as upset about it as I am. I just want to stop crying and move on with time, I dont want my house to feel weird.. I want to to feel normal.

And I am sure LR feels them same way since all I have done for the last 2 days is hog the bed, and the tissue and cry my eyes out for hours.

I must have lost 10lbs in tears.

But after all of this what I can say.

Emma. I loved you. I still love you, And I always will love you.

I might move on, I might get another dog. I may never get another dog.

Im so thankful for the time we had together, and I am extremely devistated that it had to end so soon. I wanted to have you until you became an old crotchity gramma dog. But since I couldnt. I hope that you're up there chasing rabbits with Weiser, and Ruby. .and any other dog I loved that is gone now. You were the best dog I have had, and you will probably forever be the best dog I ever will have. You were my top notch lover. I love you snuggle buggle, Emma Bemma, sweetheart, hunny, lover.

I'll never forget you, and I will always miss you.

Goodbye for now. And Until we meet again.

Love you Emma!!