Endosymbiotic

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there." -Bob Marley

ch ch ch changes... (turn and face the strain)

David Bowie is always the shit.


So... Changes, things are a changin, and I dont know if I should be happy, excited, worried.. or what.

My roommate gave me the "heads up" shes moving out next month to move to Bellingham, thats cool. I understand.. Mount Vernon is lame sauce.. But in the events of her moving, its bringing forth the chance that I might actually have to move myself.

Before Ginny lived with me I was paying the rent on my own, but times are tough son, and I dont have as much cash now and I did then. Soo... what to do, what to do.
Move into another house.. doubt it, find another roommate... looking.. move back to Seattle, possibly..
Move in with Lr.. eee...  I asked him about it and he laughed at me because I made a list of pros and cons of living together. He says I'm OCD, I say I'm smart to think it through first. I've never lived with a man besides my dad.. this could get interesting. I mean in all actuality we basically live together, I've spent the night at my house like once in the last 2 months.. but I honestly LOVE my house, I dont even want to think about packing shit up, putting stuff in storage and moving things up those god awful stairs at lrs.. could be a lot of fun though. I mean in all reality, if I lived with him I'd be purely saving money every month.. and I could really be doing a lot of stuff I want to be doing that I havent been.. like going snowboarding, making art and music... all those things are so much easier when you dont have to worry about money as much. I can also start saving to get a nice brand new car, that like never breaks down :)

Who knows. Only time will tell what new things will come my way. I hope for the best though, because if I move out of my house and shit turns shitty I will be VERY upset.

Currently Spinning:

Some Old Nine Inch Nails..

Mars Volta {De-Loused in the Comatorium}

Sonic Youth Vinyl {Goo}

Arcade Fire {Funeral}

Morphine {The Night}

Lyrics I adore:

"The Line Begins To Blur"

There are things that I said I would never do
There are fears that I cannot believe have come true
For my soul is too sick and too little and too late
And my self I have grown to weary to hate

The more I stay in here
The more it's not so clear
The more I stay in here
The more I disappear
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur

Is there somebody on top of me?
I don't know I don't know
Isn't anybody stopping me?
I don't know I don't know
Well I'm trying to hold my breath
I don't know I don't know
Just how far down can I go?
I don't know I don't know I don't know

As I lie here and stare
The fabric starts to tear
It's far beyond repair
And I don't really care
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur

Wind, wind, take me away.

Its been so incredibly windy lately I have been worried my house is going to pull a Wizard of Oz and lift off the ground and take me away somewhere.... doubt it, but its fun to live in a fantasy from time to time.

Speaking of Wind.. You should check Highland Wind and Solar... they build wind towers, they install solar pannels, and they make the Valley and the states a little greener. and Lr works for them.. So in my book they're cool.

SOOOO Many people have been contacting me about doing their photos for weddings, for Christmas, for parties.. its kind of insane. I havent been charging anyone anything, but now Im raising for $0.00 to at least like $50-100.00 for my time in organization and editing. People are crazy.. but its cool; i'll "shoot" you. Currently Im planning to take photos of : Andrea, Jessica, Maegan, Stevie, Kym, Kylee, Wendy, And my grandmoms family.. should be busy photo opping and editing for the next month or so.
I wish I had someone like me to shoot my SG photos.
Maybe I can get really good at using a timer.
I'll have to look into that one. It'd be pretty dope to be my own photographer.

I found the raddest spot to buy guaged earings. Omerica Organic they sell the sickest jewelry, belt buckles, and much more. I love them, and recently purchased a pair. Set me back $85.00 but totally worth it.

Do you ever feel like sometimes you're staring down the barrel of a gun?? I often do. and I often wonder why. My life is the shit, I have an amazing person that I care about, I have a decent job, a nice house, money in the bank, food in the cupboards, gas in my shitty little car. Why do I make my self feel like life is the shits so often? I'll figure it out, sometimes I can be a drama queen. 

Onto a lighter note. I went to the Great Wolf Lodge this weekend. Had a total blast with Lowries Family. No but really, it was an awesome time, and the "Howlin Tornado" is the shizzle nizzle.. it litterlly makes your balls go into your stomach.. if you have balls.

I love buying Christmas presents.

For everyone, including MYSELF.

Tis the season to buy shit when you shouldnt.. Love it, and I LOVE these:

I would Normally NEVER ask for or want Jewelry. But I realllllly love pearls, and I reallllly like this ring.

I've been drinking a ton of tea, reading alot of books, and sleeping even more! I love wood stove fires, and books in the winter time.

Mt. Baker opened today. I wish I could have skipped work, and drove up and boarded. Sunday = Funday. Hopefully!

I've once again started readying Memoirs of a Geisha, I've read it like 4 times, its still one of my favorite books ever. Tonight Im going to bake some Banana Creme Brulee.. shall be fantastic.

Busy Bee

Been Super busy working a weird schedule filling in for a girl at work on vacation.
I've done a few photos for Kylee's Engagement, and Jessica's Pregnancy photos.

I've been working on a few differnet concepts for my Suicide Girls photosets.

1. Mt. Baker/Spacecraft Theme, shall be sweet spacecraft sticker covered nipples mmmkay.

2. Shotgun Taxidermy Theme (using some of Lr's dead animals and some farmer plaid)

3. White girl Black Horse Grey Sky. (awesome idea from Gina in Spindle) totally stealing this idea and fancying it up with a black cinch corset, and my beautiful and discontinued weathered leather, black nine west cowgirl boots)
4. The 3 billy goats gruff, involving the troll under the fremont bridge in Seattle. and a blowup goat. (this one is going to be fun, and hilarious)

Ive been baking and cooking like a mad women storing up for winter, and putting my special man into hibernation. Tonight its pumpkin soufle' shall be amazing.
Tis the season for Casseroles, meat loafs, sweet breads, and teas/ciders/hot chocolates.

Im incredibly excited and looking forward to Halloween.

My girl Leah O'Sullivan, kick ass peircer, and tattooing apprectice is going to paint my face up all Dia de los Muertos Sugar Skull style kinda Sylvia Ji like.. Cant decide which one.. maybe a combo of both.

Currently Spinning:

Muse {Absolution} and I fucking love it!

Skunk Anansie {Post Orgasmic Chill}

Radiohead {Amnesiac}

Nirvana {Discography} Marigold is on repeat.

and oh yeah, follow me on Twitter.

www.twitter.com/sjlaudanum

AND... Check out the new never heard Deftones.. that I Of Coarse heard, when I saw them in Portland on the 13th. it was super sick, and once Again... Chino Moreno rocks my world. "Rocket Skates"

You Shut Your Mouth/ How Can You Say/ I Go About Things The Wrong Way

What a week.

I saw Spindle, They covered Garbage's #1 Crush, which I LOVED, and caught on my video camera.  I lost 3 lbs (and I dont know how because I have been eating so much thai food you'd think I was pregnant and having cravings but Im totally not.) I got accepted to Suicide Girls. SpaceCraft Seattle is hooking me up with a ton of free sick gear for my first photoset @ Mt.Baker. You Should REALLY check out spacecraft their art and clothing and hats are amazing. I stretched my ears from 7/16 back to 1/2" and doing it for the 2nd time hurt ALOT worse. My ears are burning as I blog.

I finallllllllly got some new glasses, I've been sad ever since the day my eyesonfremont glasses fell off my face when I was drunk getting on my boat when I still lived in Seattle. I'll always have a special place in my heart for those $600 glasses.

I took the engagement photos yesterday at my farm house for Kylee and Justins Engagement photo thats going to be in the newspaper. The one I think I liked the best is super cute and since we took the photos at my farm house it looks real rustic. But Jesus Christ I had to watch them make up for like 10 minutes to get the "right kiss picture" barf.

I love this time of the year when the leaves are changing and its super cold at night. The only thing that I really really dont like is the waking up in the morning early part where you have to defrost your car, but yet it really never defrosts so you end up driving in the cold ass foggy car anyways. That sucks.

I've been buying alot of new records. I got an awesome Sleater-Kinney vinyl in the mail yesterday, and a few Joy Divisions last week. I've got to ask.. WHY ARE RECORDS SO EXPENSIVE? I've spent hundreds and hundreds ever since I got my free record player..  I have invisions of cheap records at second hands stores but the only records I ever find there are Barbara Streisand, and Gospel, and Old childrens books. Im kinda down with the old books, but no gospel please and thank you.

And I got a super cool flash baby for the D80. Im going to use it when I go to Portland on the 13.

---------------

Currently Spinning:

A LOT of Cat Power

Nick Cave {Abattoir Blues}

Clint Mansell {The Fountain}

Morrissey {Years of Refusal}

Dead Mans Bones (This is Ryan Gosslings new band, And I like it alot. They'll be in Seattle on the 23rd of Oct. and I am going to try them out)

Charmed for a while but not forever

I haven't blogged in a while, I guess I have been busy or something. Or my Clutch in my car might have gone out, and so all my energy was put towards figuring out how to get that fixed without a lot of money.

Today, is one of those days, maybe ones of those weeks actually where you are like Hi, my name is Whoa, and I feel all terrible for myself, but yet I havent really done anything to change it.

Yeah, this weeks that week.

Do you ever feel like you reallly reallllllly reallllllllly have something thats bothering you, and for whatever reason this thing gets like pushed off to the side, or shit gets better for a minute so you kinda forget about it, but then something else happens and it like cuts the wound a little deeper, and it hurts a little more because its already a sorta-healed wound? Thats the way I feel.  I feel like there is some stuff thats really fucking bothering me, and I cant talk about it because I know what will happen if I do. And to completely avoid that, I just think about it, and after time.. thinking about it drives you fucking crazy.
This week has been made up of wine, weed, xanex, and valium, and a fucking car with a broken clutch.
yeah yeah, im thankful I've got a house, and a job.. (I'm living the fucking dream right) but sometimes why cant people realize whats right in the fuckin stupid faces, and buck the fuck up and claim whats theirs, and love it, and appreciate it, and do what people do when they live in the real fucking world with real fucking people with feelings (sorry for all the f bombs)

Is it really better out there somewhere doing others things, with other people.. I think right here is the place to be, and Im living it up.

Cheers to making me feel let a wet fucking blanket, on a sunny fucking day that I was throughly enjoying until you slapped me across the face and made me open my eyes to what  I was REALLY looking at all along. Bravo Buddy, Bra-fucking-Vo.

Words of wisdom:
If there is something you care about, Tell it or them now. right now, today. Everyday.
If you have money, dont be a tidewod, spend it sometimes.

And if you have a good person in front of you that loves you. hold on to them pretty darn tight, or they might just float right the fuck away, and be like boooo ya, shoulda held on tighter bitch. And you'll probably regret it and feel like a schmuck bucket, and realized the best thing you had in your life, YOU let Go.

Is This Desire?

Didnt get to go to bumbershoot like I have been raving about for weeks.

Bummed about that.

Snuck away to Westport though.

More pics to post soon..

It was a nice long 4 day weekend, and I was wondering when it was going to end. The boy is back in Portland til Friday evening. Saturday is the company pig roast. Super stoked about beer, pig, and bands in Alger.. Who'd a thunk it.

-------------------

Currently Spinning:

A LOT OF DEFTONES

Ego Likeness {Alvary}

Kidney Thieves {Placebo}

Coldplay {Violet Hill}

Sonic Youth {Rather Ripped}

Short and Sweet

This week will hopefully fly by, and this weekend should be a freakin ball.

I have Friday thru Monday off, and Sunday and Monday are fully dedicated to Bumbershoot and all its Glory.

I still cant decide whether I want to spend Friday and Saturday home, In Portland, or in Carlton again with the gay boys.

No matter what I do, It will be a blast, and I am really looking forward to the long weekend. Kinda like a mini-vacation but not.

Super Duper Stoked about Metric, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, and The Devil Makes Three.

Drewy boy borrowed my 1970's TLR that I posted pics from in my last blog.  Im praying to god that I get a killer shot of Karen O rockin it sick.. and Emily Haines (my lesbian love, if I were a lesbian) on my camera.. gotta stop a Glaziers and pick up a bigger lense since I only have a 55mm on the D8; and its mainly for portraits and what not.. Although, I am REALLY looking forward to using the 55mm, I need something larger for BumberShoot. If I can Afford it, I am going to try to rent a wide angle lense, if not maybe my Uncle Tony will let me borrow one of his.

This weekend should Rock me back a notch. Cant wait to See Kristen, Angie, Leah's, Allie, Mike (haha, Allie went before Mike.. ) My baby cousin Dylan. Tony, Sarah, this should be a good weekend, Planning on dropping my car in w. Seattle and bussin it this weekend like old school.

-------------------------------------

Currently Spinning:

ALOT of RadioHead

Simon Wilcox {Too Pretty}

Au Revior Simone {Sad Song}

SwitchBlade Symphony {Funnel}

Just the start

To this whole film thing. Coming in a little late I admit, But.. Whose on a time schedule anyways?

I finally got the Twin-Lens Reflex (TLR) Camera my Uncle Tony gave me like a year ago up and running. Just needed some screws tightened, some spendy film, a trip to the camera store and some lovin.

The next time I buy film I will be purchasing it at the Lomo Shop.. prices are better for 120 film and its no less than fucking RAD. Click Lomo Shop just to see that Im not lying.

Now I am working on finding film for my vintage 1960s Polaroid 210 Land Camera my friend Jake gave me out of his mom's room after she passed away. Its got sentimental value to say none the less. Karen was a great lady. I wish I had some of the photos she had to have taken when she was younger.

If I cant find Polaroid type 107 (3000 speed bw) or 108 (75 speed color) peel apart pack film

I dont know what I am going to do. Besides hack into the body and cut and roll film into some sort of makeshift pack.

I really want that peel apart film because I saw on a movie once that you can take the picture, Pull it apart, one peice is your picture, and then then other (negative) you can take and stick to something like paper, or newspaper, or old wallpaper and pull it off, and it leaves the negative behind. Super cool is my book!

I dropped some red-scale film off at Kens a month ago. Just had the money to pick it up.

The Lomography fish eye was the best $40 investment ever. This is Why:

Aside from actually taking time to take some photos and spending A LOT of time with Lowrie I havent been up to much besides working. LR is getting ready to leave for Portland for a few weeks so I might jet down to see him for a couple days.. and take some Rose City pics, and go to the strip clubs where you can actually drink and smoke. (wtf Washington?!) $5.00 sodas at a strip club, and you always have to be drinking a soda (I dont even like soda pop)? Kiss my ass, please and thanks..

I've been listening to a lot of Records Lately.

So far my new Tori Amos Vinyl is Still my favorite by far. Its a million times better then the cd in my car.

--------------------------

Currently Spinning:

Matson Jones {Into my Arms}

Muse {Screenager} Live

WildBirds & PeaceDrums {The Battle in Water}

Waldeck {Floater}

I'll take a little of this, and a little of that

I've decieded to make a list of all the things I currently want right now; this second in history.

Some maybe realistic, Some maybe completely unrealistic, some might be selfish, and some might be self-less.

This isnt a list of goals or wants that anyone should judge me on.

This is for me, to look back on and say.. got this, got that.. still working on this, and that will never happen.

Its also for when I get big and famous.. and people want to buy you all kinds of things..

Minus the big and famous.. these are my wants/not my needs.

Alot of these you can click on, and it will take you to the link so you know what I am talking about if you dont already.

Materialistic:

Panasonic Lumix DMC-L10K

An original Michael Hussar Painting

An original Marilyn Manson Painting

Every single Lomographic Camera ever made

Custom Camo Raybans

Like 50 million steampunk corsets

A 4 Wheeler

Rocket Espresso Giotto Premium Plus

New MacBook

A New Ride

A ton of new records

Goals:

Save money

Save money

and

Save money
Use less, with out being useless

Meet more Sober, mature adults

Learn more about photography/lighting (natural lighting/ studio lighting/retouching/ creating photo sets)

Camera Obscura (Making a pinhole)

Get out of the country on vacation to one or all of these locations:

New Zealand (Snow/Surf)

Peru (Mountaineering)

Spain (for taking photos/and looking at beautiful people)

Amsterdam (for some Chronic)

Africa (to help a few people/and take their photos)

Thailand (for the motherfucking food/temples/photography)

Alaska (for charter fishing)

Mexico (for 2012)

Lose some weight

Keep my hair one color for more then a week or two

Buy a house, or get one with LR

Go Back to school for massage

Take some accounting classes because I am suprisingly good at it

Trade Massage/Accounting for tattoos :)

Get more Tattoos

Stretch my ears bigger

Find another dog?! (I cant believe I just wrote that)

Make more art

Set more goals

Complete those goals

Live life as a nice and humble person who does good for other people

Also, I havent uploaded all the pictures from last weekend, but I assure you it was great.

As soon as I can I will upload them

Running Away

For the weekend. I need it after this stupid week.

I was going to leave Friday night and head over the pass to Carlton; which is just outside of Winthrop....

But, I opted to coming into work at 6:00 to work a few hours.. and spending the evening with Lr, and some of his family. After 9:00 this morning or so.. I should be on the road.

About to go spend a day floating the river and getting trashed drunk with my gay boys Matty and Chaddy, and Chad's family.. His mom is awesome.. SO this should deff. be interesting. Im super stoked they invited me.. so far my only expense will be gas to get over there.. Chad's mom is covering everything which is super cool.. NO one ever "treats" me to a weekend away...

Hopefully Lr will get the hint hint, with the information written down for the trip I want to take to Alaska.. If he doesn't get it.. I guess I'll have a good time fishing with out him :)

Only my way Home I am going to stop at the 2009 Seattle Tattoo Convention. Mike is gonna scribble some permanent ink behind my ear for Emma.

Just a simple name.. behind my ear on my head.. means shes always with my mind.

Love you Emma Beemmskeet.

Currently Spinning:

Pearl Jam {RearViewMirror}

Tool {Lateralus}

The Psychadelic Furs {All of this and Nothing}

Morrissey {Greatest Hits}

Joy Division {Substance}

Caught a Lite Sneeze

Dreamed a little dream Caught a lightweight lighting seed Boys on my left side Boys on my right side Boys in the middle And you're not here I need a big oan From the girl zone Building tumbling down Didn't know our love was so small Coun't stand at all Mr. St. John just bring you son The spire is hot And my cells can't feed And you still got that Belle dragging your foots I'm hiding it well Sister Ernestine But I still got that Belle Dragging my foots Right on time you get closer And closer Called my name but there's no way in Use that fame Rent you wife and kids today Maybe she will Maybe she will caught a lite sneeze Dreamed a little dream Made my own pretty hate machine Boys on my left side Boys on my right side Boys in the middle and you're not here Boys in their dresses And you're not here I need a big loan from the girl zone

{Lyrics from one of my favorite Tori Amos songs}

I almost forgot what an amazing book Tori put out last summer:.

I was sitting at Lr's last night, looking for a dvd to watch since he decieded playing video games was the thing to do all night.. and when looking for a movie, I changed my mind for the book, I've read the lyrics and browsed the comics many many times, but I never really sat back and appreciated how well made it really is.

If you dont own it, look for it cheap or used on Amazon, because its deff. worth having as a coffee table book.. if you love Tori, you'll appreciate all the lyrics to her songs. If you love comics you'll

appreciate all the beautiful artwork.

I finally opened my bigcartel store.

Once I get it looking all fancy and have some stuff for sale I will give ya'll the link.

Until then, check it out because it is really cool.

And Allie, If you are ever willing to part with some of your beautiful artwork.. you'd be a perfect bigcartel girl!

Currently Spinning:

7 Year Bitch {Self Titled}

Deftones (B-sides/Rareties}

Tori Amos {Boys for Pele}

Tori Amos {Abnormally attracted to Sin}

New Order {Get Ready}

MotorCycle {As the Rush Comes}

Currently Watching:

A LOT of Anime.

Elfen Lied {Vector 1}

Bleach Movie

Death Note {1-27}

300

Obsessed
TrainSpotting

Attempting Moving On.

I guess its time to stop crying and to get my shit together and act like a normal human being again. All I've done for the last 3 days is cry, sleep, eat, work a little, and then cry some more, and sleep some more.

A tleast I am well rested right?!?!

Upside to this, Emma had a killer life, no matter how I look at it.. she had done lots of awesome things in the last month before her death. We went to Seattle twice, Olympia.. Bellingham, Swimming at Chuckanut, swimming at the river.. when I found her she was laying on her favorite spot on the bed, with a fan blowing on her.. (thats how I want to leave this place when I do)
Downside, she'll never be replaceable. And even if I wanted to get a new baby boxer girl that was all white.. She'd cost me like $1300.oo sooooo needless to say.. I'll be thinking about Emma for a while, and not a new puppy.

I'm going to look at all the positives about this.. and forget about the negatives.

One positive thing is, I'm getting tattooed at the tattoo convention in Seattle this weekend. Im super stoked to get my hokusai "great wave" finished.. and it looks like Mike is going to be putting some sort of Emma Jane on this skin somewhere. There should be lots of hot bitches and beer.. and funhouse.. you know thats my favy!!

Hempfest is coming up.. another to look forward to.
As well as Bumbershooot.. Hells to the yeahs, for Metric, and Yeah yeah yeahs.

Sarah, and Tony. and Baby Dylan are coming to see me on Friday afternoon.
I hope they leave Monster with me for a night, so I can bring him back On Saturday. Doubt that will happen, but it would be rad.. (Sarah, if you're reading this.. Please let Monster spend the night with me :).... )

Anyways, enough of this.
Catch you on the flipside.

To whom it concerns.

Dear whoever the fuck we pray to.

God, Buddha, Bharma, Vishnu, Siven, Jesus Christ. WHOEVER THE FUCK.

Tell me, Tell me please cause I'm begging.

Why? Why on earth would you take my dog away from me?

You know. I really think, she loved me. . Actually I know she loved me. I know she loved the expensive dog food I fed her, her foam bed, all her cute shirts she wore.

Now you're leaving me to put these things away in a fucking box when thats not even what I wanted. I spent an amazing evening with my boyfriend. Stayed In a nice hotel, and went to a nice dinner. I stopped, I saw my family who I love, and now realize how important they are to me now that I have lost something so dear to me.

Then I come home, to find my one true love, the one thing that loved me unconditionally to be gone from me. Just laying there comfortably waiting for her mama to get home.

What can I do?

I took her to the vet, I fed her everyday; the good food. I played with her, snuggled her, loved her, took her on roadtrips everywhere. Took her to the rivers, to chuckanut, to Lowries.. I had to adjust my life to owning a dog, and now I have to adjust my life to being alone. No, Im not alone, I have all my friends and family, and all the people I care about, but what I want is my fucking dog back.

It feels weird walking into my house, knowing shes not going to be waiting by the kitchen door for me like she ALWAYS was. Its weird knowing that, and then also knowing shes now burried in the garden. What? Am I never going to move out of my house now because one of my best friends are in the back yard, now do I have to vacuum up all her random dog hair in my car, and on the couches.. where do I put her dog bed? Do I throw it away, do I give it away? Do I get another dog?

Probably not, because if you knew Emma, you'd know shes irreplaceable, and I'm never going to find another dog like her.

I've heard and I know, that yes.. I gave her an awesome last almost 2 years..

I know that she loved me, and I know I really loved her.

I know that things come and go, and "everything happens for a reason" supposedly and allegedly. But really? Why?

I just want my dog back, I want to snuggle my snuggle buggle. I want to call her all her nicknames she came to. I want to go to my house and for it to feel normal.

I just have to ask myself, what did I do, that this is my bad karma for?

And couldnt you have taken something else I care about.

I care about alot of things, but I never thought this would be the one to go.

I woulda understood if she was 10 years or 15 years old.

But 5? Come on, she was my baby. All my friends have kids, and dogs, and whatever that they have. I had Emma.

Do I change my blog name? I mean its fucking saraemma for gods sake.

Do I change the passwords that had her name in them?

I guess I'll just go on loving her forever and looking for another soul mate.

She'll be a hard one to replace, and actually she'll never be "replaced" she'll forever be in my heart and thoughts.

I really wish I could just put up a road block in my head and forget that I ever had the most awesome dog in the world So that I wouldnt be as upset about it as I am. I just want to stop crying and move on with time, I dont want my house to feel weird.. I want to to feel normal.

And I am sure LR feels them same way since all I have done for the last 2 days is hog the bed, and the tissue and cry my eyes out for hours.

I must have lost 10lbs in tears.

But after all of this what I can say.

Emma. I loved you. I still love you, And I always will love you.

I might move on, I might get another dog. I may never get another dog.

Im so thankful for the time we had together, and I am extremely devistated that it had to end so soon. I wanted to have you until you became an old crotchity gramma dog. But since I couldnt. I hope that you're up there chasing rabbits with Weiser, and Ruby. .and any other dog I loved that is gone now. You were the best dog I have had, and you will probably forever be the best dog I ever will have. You were my top notch lover. I love you snuggle buggle, Emma Bemma, sweetheart, hunny, lover.

I'll never forget you, and I will always miss you.

Goodbye for now. And Until we meet again.

Love you Emma!!

My Pandora is lovely.

Its been literally playing all my favorites




From SwitchBlade Symphony, to PJ Harvey, Tori Amos, Rasputina, The Clash, Motorcycle, New Order, FC Kahuna, George, The Cure, Morrisssey, and old Pearl Jam and U2.




Lr came home. Suprised me with my favorite Thai food.
The weather cooled down to lower 80's high 70's which was actually tolerable.

Everything is grand.
Cant complain a bit.




and I'm So freakin excited to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in September.. I laid in bed dreaming of Karen O and what a fucking bad ass chick she really is.
Karen, I salute you. You fucking rock me back a notch.

Oh yeah, and fuck coffee shops besides Kylee's coffee shop.. No one can make good coffee..
Actually ristretto's and la creme' do.. but who has time to drive accross town for coffee for work.
Thanks Mom for the righteous espresso maker you got me last Christmas, It's been saving my life everymorning..



Dear Cannon Beach, Oregon.
I miss you. I want to come see you again, and sleep in your comfy cheap bed that allowed my dog to stay with me. And Pigs n' pancakes. WOW. You're amazing.
Arcades, Boogie Boarding, and Beach Bumming. See you in Mid August!! I can hardly wait.








Ciao.

Its officially summer up in this bitch.

Been Fishin.

Been Dyin my Hurr.

Caught some Sunsets/and Trains

I bought a new record Player..

So far I've got some vinyl.

Cant call it a collection but Im working on it

Currently Spinning on Vinyl:

Siouxie and the Banshees Live

NEW Tori Amos - Abnormally Attracted to Sin

Joy Division - Unknown Pleasures {Import} (all I can say is, IAN CURTIS why'd you have to go and hang yourself??)

Portishead - Oldie, but fuckin better than goodie.

The Germs.. (Darby Crash, I love thee)

Depeche Mode.

The Gits. (I fuckin love you and your whirlwind)

I cant think of all the other piles of vinyl at the moment. BUT what I can say is I love my new record player, and will kill the mother fucker that breaks it.

Kisses for my potty mouth.

Havent had a chance to take too many pictures lately. But I am deff. getting on it.

Drew hooked me up fat with the new CS4. Saved me a whopping $800.00

Thanks Drew. Love you.

Actually I lied, I've taken a few.

Wheat field Off Mclean by my house, right before a storm.

Kylee Ann

I think thats about it for now.

I promise to post more.

and take more pictures.

and party more.

Got some up coming shows:

Metric (My love. Im so excited)

Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Mirah

Truckasaurus

Modest Mouse

Just to name a few.